CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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