i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
