Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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