my vag is so smooth its legendary
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
