her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
