someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
