Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
