Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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