Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
