We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
