wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
