Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
