You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
