Whod you bang
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
