What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
