I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
