bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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