How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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