She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
