youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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