The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
