I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
