Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
