Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
