no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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