I have demons in me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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