just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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