So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
