He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
