u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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