nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
