also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
