PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize