listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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