I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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