You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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