Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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