Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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