On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
