She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
