I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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