Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
