he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
