When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
