Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
