I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
