Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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