I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
