Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
