Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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