umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
